Top o' the douche to my fellow comrades and ovary punchers! I have some... ass news to post regarding my marital status. Well, as I'm sure all of you know, Clara Schwendeman is no longer my lady, so you savages may have your way with her. She called me just recently to tell me that I'm basically a douche boyfriend (which is true... somewhat) and that we're dead. Naturally, I said, "I'll give a dog a blowjob for money!" Short story even shorter, I can now fulfill my destiny and have sex with mythical creatures such as pixies and Peter Pan.
I know you all may be asking, "But Paul, how did such a fine woman even go out with your bitch-ayorse in the first place?" Let me tell you this... she was impressed by the way I kick little kids in the head and the technique I used to beat her at "Red Rocket." So feel free to line up the ladies to my right so that I may feel happy again. And yes, I know June 5th would've been our 4 month anniversary, and yes, I know that I planned a special revival surprise that would've hopefully respark the flame of love asunder once again, but it's over now and a new hour in my life begins. Peace out my lovers and we should take pictures of ourselves naked sometime... together... forever.
P.S. Oh, and what I said about you bitches having your way with her I take back... lay off... please... daddy.
1 comment:
Don't worry, June 5th is Jonass' b-day. We are going to party like it is 2005. Gosh Tina, eat some flippin ham.
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